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In her blog post, UNCHARTED WATERS – DEALING WITH COVID-19, our transatlantic colleague, Janice Willett, talks of projecting calmness and planting the seed of positivity.

During these most difficult times, medical staff is desperately attempting to navigate through uncharted waters …trying to assist patients, while trying to keep themselves afloat.  There is not only fear and anxiety among the patients but among staff as well. Dealing with who is sick, dealing with am I sick, am I going to get sick, do I feel sick … the inner voices never seem to rest.  

We are at war against an enemy we don’t know how to fight.  Patients are looking to us for answers we don’t have and are ill-equipped to deal with. Many times this can lead us to feelings of inadequacy as if we are failing our patients.

At such high stress times we must try to speak more softly and slowly, walk more slowly and breathe more slowly not only to calm our minds and bodies, but to keep those around us calmer.  Co-workers sense it, patients sense it … somehow seeing someone who acts calm makes us feel they are in control. That is what we are all seeking now, some sense of control in an uncontrolled environment.

We must realize that patients not only fear the thought of dying, they fear dying alone.  This is huge in light of the current conditions wherein visitors are banned, personal items are banned, and it feels like one is being stripped of their belongings and put in a prison.  Closed doors, isolation, no human contact except for the sterile medical visits.  It is far from feeling loved, and lacks the feel of the human touch of reassurance.

Being we all thrive on hope, the patient needs to see that glimmer of light, which has a way of planting a seed of positivity. No one can plant that seed except the medical staff that enters the patient’s room. If the patient needs a respirator, there is still hope.  If they need to be intubated, there is still hope. As difficult as it is to see a patient suffer and feel doomed, we really don’t know the final outcome. So let’s enter every patient room slowly, speaking slowly and breathing slowly.  Let’s let the patient feel you are calm and in control.  Let them know there have been many patients that have gotten much worse before they got better.  This is one thing we can control … our thoughts and emotions.

Let the patient know that you value their courage and perseverance. We need to keep in mind that it is the staff that can help create their peace … whether it is at the end of their stay or the end of their life.

By J.I. Willett, Chaplain and Award-winning Author of

“Dying without Crying” and “Affairs of the Heart” (jiwillett.com)

As a volunteer hospital chaplain and author of the hospice~utilized book “Dying Without Crying,” I find one of the most prominent struggles between the world of the dying and the world of the living is communication.

Because the language of the dying embraces physical cues as well as verbal, many times family, friends and caregivers are missing important opportunities to understand and connect.

For example, while the dying are communicating “I’m preparing for death” by rejecting food or drink, the living are offering words of encouragement for nourishment in order to gain strength for healing.

Herein we are confronted with the ardent task of having the difficult conversation to guide the living from the state of denial, the cheerleader role, to confronting the death of their loved one.

As a Chaplain, our goal is to assist the living in acknowledging their fears, and to help them handle and make sense of not only of the death of their loved-one, but also to discuss how this event causes us to face our own mortality.  I sometimes use the quote “we’re all traveling down the same road, we just arrive at different times” which seems to make sense to most.

It is often difficult for those who will be left behind to imagine a world without their loved one. This is where we try to move them beyond their fears by speaking about their memories, good times and bad, which promotes the realization that although a loved one dies, their memory lives on.

Once this “natural divide” is united, the patient and their loved ones can begin their grieving process through verbal and/or physical expression … beginning their healing process through facing death together, expression of love, meanings of their relationships, past experiences and forgiveness where needed.

There is nothing more important and more rewarding than bridging the “divide” and having the honor of facilitating a good death experience for all. 

J.I. Willett, Pastoral Care Chaplain

Award willing Author of “Dying Without Crying” & “Affairs of the Heart”

“Conversation of Your Life” Task Force Member

Member National Association of Catholic Chaplains